[Antarius]

A thread where we can share funny stories, jokes, videos and photos etc

Here is one........


On the Bristol Port website they are expecting a ship named "Hansa Stockholm" to dock on 26/04/13, nothing strange in that until you read what cargo it is ""discharging" and where it has come from

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<table ="sortable resizable" summary="Forward movements table" id="tablekit-table-1" style="margin: 1em 0em; padding: 0px; border-collapse: collapse; table-layout: fixed; clear: both; font-size: 0.75em; border: 0px solid; display: block; color: rgb0, 0, 0; : rgb153, 153, 204;"><t style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-top-style: none;"><tr ="rowodd" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><td ="rot'n" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0.2em; border-style: solid; : white; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis !imant; overflow: !imant; white-space: nowrap !imant;">42738</td><td ="vessel" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0.2em; width: 16em; border-style: solid; : white; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis !imant; overflow: !imant; white-space: nowrap !imant;">HANSA STOCKHOLM</td><td ="agent" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0.2em; border-style: solid; : white; text-align: center; width: 4em !imant; text-overflow: ellipsis !imant; overflow: !imant; white-space: nowrap !imant;">DWL</td><td ="eta" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0.2em; width: 12em; border-style: solid; : white; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis !imant; overflow: !imant; white-space: nowrap !imant;">Wed 24 Apr 00:01</td><td ="lxb" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0.2em; width: 10em; border-style: solid; : white; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis !imant; overflow: !imant; white-space: nowrap !imant;">156.53 x 23.04</td><td ="dcol whole" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0.2em; border-style: solid; text-align: center; : white; width: 1.5em !imant; text-overflow: ellipsis !imant; overflow: !imant; white-space: nowrap !imant;"></td><td ="dcol decimal" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0.2em; width: 4em; border-style: solid; text-align: center; : white; text-overflow: clip !imant; overflow: !imant; white-space: nowrap !imant;"></td><td ="a-po" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0.2em; border-style: solid; : white; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis !imant; overflow: !imant; white-space: nowrap !imant;"></td><td ="berth" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0.2em; width: 25em; border-style: solid; : white; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis !imant; overflow: !imant; white-space: nowrap !imant;">S</td><td ="etd" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0.2em; width: 11em; border-style: solid; : white; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis !imant; overflow: !imant; white-space: nowrap !imant;"></td><td ="d-po" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0.2em; border-style: solid; : white; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis !imant; overflow: !imant; white-space: nowrap !imant;"></td><td ="flag" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0.2em; border-style: solid; : white; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis !imant; overflow: !imant; white-space: nowrap !imant;">LBR</td><td ="from" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0.2em; border-style: solid; : white; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis !imant; overflow: !imant; white-space: nowrap !imant;">NEW ZEALAND</td><td ="to" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0.2em; border-style: solid; : white; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis !imant; overflow: !imant; white-space: nowrap !imant;"></td><td ="purpose" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0.2em; width: 21em; border-style: solid; : white; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis !imant; overflow: !imant; white-space: nowrap !imant;">Discharge Fresh Produce</td></tr></t></table>

 

[Inchindown]

Many years ago Renault ran a competition named "What's Yours Called" in respect of the Renault 5. It seems they were trying to promote the car to be your friend and you had to give it a name.

Well I had a Renault 5 at the time, and I went into my dealer to submit my entry.

My name for the Renault 5 was "Mothercare".

The salesman asked for an explanation of how I had come to that name.

I said it was because my Renault 5 was full of rattles.

The salesman was not at all amused and he tore up my form and threw it in the bin.

 

[Antarius]

Many years ago Renault ran a competition named "What's Yours Called" in respect of the Renault 5. It seems they were trying to promote the car to be your friend and you had to give it a name.

Well I had a Renault 5 at the time, and I went into my dealer to submit my entry.

My name for the Renault 5 was "Mothercare".

The salesman asked for an explanation of how I had come to that name.

I said it was because my Renault 5 was full of rattles.

The salesman was not at all amused and he tore up my form and threw it in the bin.

 

[Dilligaf]

 

[Antarius]

I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel

 

[Antarius]

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde were sentenced to death by firing squad and as they were being lined up for execution, a guy says to the brunette "any last words ?". She shouts "EARTHQUAKE" and everyone hits the deck allowing her to run off and escape.

Annoyed the guy turns to the redhead and says, "any last words ?", to which she shouts "TORNADO" and in the panic she manages to escape.


Red in face with anger, the guy turns to the blond and says, "what about you ?". The blond thinks that she knows what is going and with a huge grin on her face turns to he guy and shouts "FIRE".